As Caregivers We Care For the Spirit Along With the Body

Post #34

Whether you have a religion or not, I’m sure you realize that people need more than food, water, and medicine to survive, or at least to thrive. We’ve seen in real life or read in books that when a baby is given sustenance, but not emotional nurture, there are serious consequences. Studies (and often our own observations/experiences) have also shown that when someone is consistently abused they become abusers themselves. Psychologists tell us that our prisons are full of those children who’ve grown up emotionally broken.

You may call this emotional need we have a physical need for oxytocin, and I don’t deny there’s a connection to the body. However, I believe there’s something about humans that transcends the physical —I will call this “spirit” and let you define it as you will. Many people find nurture for their spirit in their faith and/or the practice of religion, others in music or the arts, nature or loving relationships. . . Personally, I find this nurture in all of the above. Each person will have their own particular list of those activities/items that nurture her/his spirit and will usually seek these out as needed. But what happens when a person must depend on others to supply what their spirit needs to thrive?

Caregivers who are of the same faith/religion as the person they care for usually find it easier to encourage that aspect of a person’s spiritual needs. We can share what we know from firsthand experience. This aspect of caring for my mom was fairly easy for me because I knew the hymns and scriptures that lifted her spirit. Going to my church was only a little different than going to her own. Our prayers spoken aloud were addressed to the same name of God.

A shared faith is not always the case with caregivers, however. And even if our faith is labeled under a large umbrella such as Christianity, Islam, or Hinduism, there are many sects of each, and many specific experiences/beliefs of each individual. Additionally there are certain practices/experiences that touch the spirit that are specific for each individual. For example, I’m outside right now writing on my back porch where I can be close to nature for inspiration. We’ve recently created a hummingbird garden and every time I notice one of those little creatures flying around the bushes or the feeder, I stop writing and just enjoy a feeling of wonder and love. There are other things that give me this feeling of awe—the ocean, a cool breeze, mountains, certain songs and instrumentals . . .I have learned to make time in my life for things that touch my spirit, but what if one day I’m confined to my bed and can no longer speak or remember?

These days I’m trying to communicate with my family about my spiritual needs, so that they can bring these joys to me if I can no longer help myself. Of course, I also have an advantage in that they know my past and are acquainted with my spiritual journey. However, when we don’t know the care receiver’s past, how are we going to help encourage them in ways that speak to their spirit?

Encouraging the care receiver to talk about their past joys is important, and if they are no longer able to remember or to communicate, family members or other visitors may be able to shed light on what their loved one would find spiritually encouraging. When their faith is different than yours, you can help them by bringing in others who share the same faith, even if this must be through technology. There are some universal tenets that you can reinforce—love and kindness, for example. If no information is available regarding the specific practices that uplift your care receiver’s spirit, then I suggest providing different experiences that might bring joy to their lives. Try music, poetry, flowers, trips into nature (or bringing nature to them), etc. When you find one that calms them down, lights up their eyes, or brightens their face with a smile . . . then you will know you’ve reached their spirit. As much as possible repeat this activity daily. It will increase their quality of life, perhaps physically, as well as spiritually.

A caregiver’s attitude of love and kindness toward the care receiver will play a part in caring for their spiritual needs as well as their physical health. That extra time spent talking with them, even if they can’t talk back, will remind them of their own value as a person. And this interaction will often feed our spirits as well.

One of the most spiritually uplifting afternoons of my life, I spent with my father who was bedridden because he was in an advanced stage of Alzheimer’s. He could no longer talk, but was vaguely responsive when I talked to him. The day was Easter Sunday, so after church with Mom, I went to visit Dad in the nursing home. As I was sitting there talking to him, I heard a church group come in and begin to sing. A few months before, I could have wheeled Dad down to listen, but any kind of mobility was no longer possible. So I held Dad’s hand and began to sing with the distant voices. To my surprise Dad began to sing too—not with words, but with a guttural sound that was amazingly in tune. I believe that this is a good indication that even when mind and body lose their strength, the spirit still lives within, and we are responsible to nurture it.