If Possible, Add a Pet to Your Caregiving Team

Post #4

In the last post I failed to mention two very important members of Mom's caregiving family: Frosty (an adult Maltese) and Snookie (a 5+ year old cat).

Mom was fond of the cats we had while I was growing up and her love for animals grew as she aged. She loved our family Shih Tzu, Bailey, but he was not a lap dog and at twenty pounds just a little too heavy for Mom to carry. Repeatedly, she tried to convince him to sit with her or sleep with her, and he just wasn't cooperative.

A small lap dog for Mom became a necessity for all of us when she began to wander around the house at night looking for company. My hope was that a pet on her bed would keep her from feeling lonely and help us all get a little more sleep. A cat wasn't an option because I had become allergic to felines in my teens, so to compromise I began searching online for a small white dog (white being Mom's new favorite color), and I found Frosty.

There was paperwork involved in the adoption process, of course, and I had to explain that although Mom would be Frosty's "human," I would be the one caring for his needs. The agency liked the fact that he would be a lap dog much of the day and all of the night instead of being stuck in a crate or pen. So we were approved, and he became Mom's closest friend and cuddle buddy.

We had a small problem at first because Frosty wanted to bond with me, the person who fed him, but I carefully kept my distance--at least most of the time--and he learned that his place was with Mom, especially at night. Frosty's companionship did help Mom to be more settled, and we did get a little more rest.

When it was time to move Mom to a memory care home, I looked especially for one that allowed small pets and had the personnel to assist with their care. At this time we decided to get Mom a declawed cat as a companion because Frosty had a habit of barking at new arrivals, and a cat seemed more independent and adaptable to a community environment.

The transition from dog to cat went smoothly. Mom immediately embraced Snookie and thought she had been her pet all along because she no longer differentiated between small, soft animals--they were all her "kitties."

As for Frosty, he attached himself to me, and today he's still my dear companion . . . a good example of how family team members support each other, as well as the dear one they are caring for.

Eventually Mom moved back home (a story for another day), Snookie went to live with my oldest daughter, and Frosty became Mom's companion again. Soon, however, she became so overly protective of Frosty that she couldn't sleep because she fretted that he was too cold, which resulted in smothering him in blankets, and making him nervous as she readjusted them over and over. Other times she became violent if she couldn't take him wherever we went. Luckily, I discovered that if she couldn't see Frosty she would attach herself to a favorite white teddy bear and travel with it instead. We learned to be very careful about hiding Frosty before bedtime and before we headed toward the door to take Mom out.

Mom made the transition to her last residence without a live pet, but she had several stuffed animals that she carried with her, and they served the same purpose of being touchable companions. This bond isn't unusual for people with dementia. When I used to visit my aunt and uncle (also in memory care) there was a woman in their community who began carrying a very realistic baby doll everywhere she went. The joy on her face was evident as she attended lovingly to the doll.

It seems to me that the purpose of having a pet goes even further than the oxytocin received while stroking and cuddling the animal. Having a pet allows the dependent person to be a caregiver--to feel responsible for the care of a weaker being--to continue to be a normal caring human.