Look Around! Caregivers Are Everywhere
- Terri Vaughn
- May 29, 2020
- 4 min read
Updated: Sep 4, 2020
Post #27
Today I’m writing a tribute to people whom I watched in my younger years as they went out of their way to care for others who were not their own flesh and blood. I believe that these people—both friends and family members--unknowingly fed my own desire to be a caregiver. I probably never let them know that their examples spurred me on to care for all types of people. This post is my way of saying a public “thank you,” and perhaps it will encourage readers to think of your own caregiving "heroes.”
My earliest caregiving memory is that of my Aunt Rowena, who adopted a baby when I was around the age of five. She hadn’t been able to have children, and she and my uncle were extremely happy to have a child, but they were concerned because she never cried. Eventually my new cousin was diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy, and addressing this disability required a lot of extra attention as she grew. To complicate matters (in a good way) my aunt gave birth to a son a year or so later. Some people may have given up on an adopted child with a health complication after having one naturally, but not my aunt and uncle. They put their full attention on both children. Of course, my uncle worked outside the home, so the caregiver I saw most was my aunt, and I’ve always been amazed at her resilience. Through the years there was patterning . . . sign language . . .special tutoring . . . Her energy was relentless and her giving heart unstoppable.
Even more close to home was my mother’s volunteer work. When I was in 6th and 7th grade my mother used to volunteer at a day care center run by her denomination. This was Tulsa in the late sixties, so I have to admit that as I remember it all of the children were black, and although I already had distinct ideas about the wrongness of racial biases, I hadn’t had the privilege of much integration. One day my school was out, so I went with Mom to volunteer at the day care center. As the children climbed into my lap and stroked my hair, fascinated by it’s different texture, my heart began to understand what my head had concluded earlier: it is important to care for all people—no matter our differences.
The summer after my experience at the day care center, I had a very memorable experience when we visited another of my mom’s sisters and her husband. Aunt Gail and Uncle Larry were attentive and fun, and having no children of their own, they lavished a lot of attention on their nieces and nephews. When we visited them once a year in Kansas City, they always took us somewhere interesting, and there was one place we visited that strongly awakened my desire to care for others—a desire which has stayed with me all of my life. My aunt and uncle went to a large church that supported a house for recovering drug addicts. They often visited the house bringing food and other supplies. They took us on a tour, and I was so impressed that I announced on our drive home that I was going to run a house like that when I grew up. . . (They are with me in the photo above almost 50 years later.)
Not only did I grow up seeing my mom’s family care for others, but I also had a similar influence from my paternal grandmother. I have to admit that Grandma had her prejudices, but I saw her care for people of several ethnicities, and I also watched/listened as over the years her prejudices began to melt away. Instead of referring to an older woman that she “sat” with as “the Jew,” she learned to care for her as a person. After years of taking care of “the Indian kids” down the street; they became like her children or grandchildren, whom she kept in touch with even after they grew up and moved away —when they called her for advice and encouragement.
In early adulthood I became friends with a woman named Laura. She was very different than most people I knew at that time. She talked to almost everyone she met and gave things away freely. We hit it off immediately, and soon we were partners in many part time caregiving adventures. I learned to be on the look-out for caregiving opportunities and to be more outgoing towards everyone. Together (with our husbands and kids) we took a mobile soup kitchen to the homeless in downtown Oklahoma City once a week. In time Laura and her family moved to the border of Texas and Mexico to help take care of homeless immigrants. The next year we followed them.
Some of the influences that have kept me caring for others have been famous people whom I’ve read about. People like St. Francis of Assisi and Mother Theresa. Online I’ve also found articles by celebrities that have experienced caring for a loved one with a disability or disease. Here’s some reading that I recommend for times when you need extra encouragement to boost your caregiving spirit:
At times we caregivers will feel discouraged and lose our energy. We may ask ourselves “are we really making a difference?” Look around. You can see a multitude of caregivers who are doing their best to take care of others. Together we really can make a difference in the world—not because we are trying to do it all, but because each of us are doing what we can.
Below is a very short, inspiring video that illustrates how our caring actions can influence others:
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